Have you ever stopped for a moment to truly define what it means to respect someone? As I recall my own life-altering experiences, heart-breaking mistakes, and valuable lessons, I know I've learned a lot about respect. Hopefully you'll agree with what I'm about to say: When you truly respect someone, you don't lie to them, cheat on them, demean them, steal from them, speak badly about them, try to control them, invade their privacy, ignore what's important to them, or want anything less for them than their most glorious dreams. At the heart of every successful relationship -- business or personal -- lies respect. The truth also lies at the opposite end, that the heart of every doomed relationship lies disrespect. If you're in a relationship in which you either don't respect the other person or aren't respected by the other person, I assure you this is a relationship you have to learn from and leave, it's that simple. And the sooner the better, too, since I'm a big believer that the longer you postpone the inevitable, the more time in this life you waste. The more you think about it the more you'll realize that without respect, all those other important ingredients of a good relationship such as love and trust don't mean much, or they can't exist at all. The extraordinary thing about respect is that when it exists, in its deepest and most honest form, it eliminates a lot of the destructive behavior that can tear apart a relationship and the people in it. On a more personal note, if you happen to be in an intimate relationship in which you're being chronically disrespected, please don't fall into the trap of believing that if you hang around long enough, putting up with any and all disrespect from your partner, it will somehow prove to your partner how much you care; and then someday, the depth of your love finally realized, you'll earn the respect you've been longing for. Sadly, that's not usually the outcome, for a simple, logical reason: You never earn respect by tolerating disrespect. Other people's ideals, beliefs or way of living can be different from yours and what you know to be true for yourself. So please do not mistake someone as "disrespectful" just because they didn't, simply put, live up to your expectations. Also, people can act negatively possibly due to matters of their own such as dealings with insecurities, health factors, chemical imbalance, fear, greed, anger and so on; these are challenges they could be battling to reach their better Self; it's not always about you -- so don't take it personally. Nevertheless you still have to decide if that's a healthy situation to allow yourself to be a part of; this is where you have to use your better judgement (your innate intelligence otherwise known as your intuition). You could use the old excuse that the other person "didn't mean to" disrespect you. Even if that was truly the case, do you think it would be a wise decision to "stick around" and be consumed in a negative situation? How will "sticking around" serve your better purpose? You are ultimately the decision-maker whether you want to "stick around" to be either intentionally or unintentionally disrespected. Another person's behavior to disrespect you is truly your own dilemma if you choose to remain and accept. If you know your self worth, you wouldn't leave any room for disrespect in your life -- from whichever perspective, and at whatever caliber. The fundamental ingredients of respect and trust are the foundation for all successful relationships whether acquaintance, family, lover, friend, or business; therefore the approach to respect applies to all relationships. Difficult as it is, there's one thing you can do to earn respect from a person who's in the habit of disrespecting you. You have to distance yourself from them, not just emotionally or mentally, but physically. Don't threaten to leave unless you mean it, and when you mean it, do it. If you can't do it for yourself and your precious spirit that deserves respect, do it for the other person, and the lesson they need to learn that for every act of disrespect, there really is a price to pay. Copyright 2005 Penny Phang Enterprises, Inc. All rights reserved. |
