How Can We Heal From Loss?

Part Three on Loss

There is no real way to deal with everything you lose.
Joan Didion, from an interview in the San Francisco Chronicle, January 6, 2004.

My view of loss looks at four areas.

People: Spouse or partner, a child or parent, a long time friend. It may be a single loss or the build up of losses over time.

Place: Your place of comfort of home.

Things & Roles: Possessions treasured for the memories they hold; things we associate with people we love. We also lose our roles and jobs.

Self: This may be a feeling of having no purpose, or it may be a feeling that you missed something that would have led to happiness. We also lose our self in a direct way as we age. And for some we lose aspects of ourselves prematurely to disease. How are we affected?

I see four principle ways or areas of impact.

Physically: We neglect our self; we care less about and for our physical well-being. Disease and age also produce loss within and upon our bodies.

Emotionally: We may withdraw from other. We may lash out.

Mentally: We may deaden our mind and avoid thinking or
remembering in any number of ways. Our thoughts may turn negative, always seeing more loss in the future.

Spiritually: There may be a drawing away from beliefs long held or there may be a desire to find a new belief.
Will everyone respond the same way to loss? No, however most of us will respond in some negative or self defeating way for some period of time.

New tactics

How do you make a shift to heal from loss? How can you re-start your life? Here are a few suggestions.

1) Take time to look closely at your situation. Assess your response to the particular loss. What are you feeling right now as you consider this? What are you doing differently now or not doing? If you are looking at life-long loss; then try to look at how this has affected your actions and thinking.

2) Take time to think about how you would want your life to be different. Changes you want to see in the future. What would a re-started life look like? Make a list. Be specific. Do it now.

Fritz M. Brunner, Ph.D. 2005

Fritz Brunner

Fritz M. Brunner, Ph.D.

Fritz is a seasoned professional with business experience spaning international corporations, local non-profit organizations, governmental agencies and the founding of F:M ReSources. His degrees are in business administration and psychology. Past positions inlude vice president and manager of projects and then resource manager in the information technology division of a global financial services institution. Program manager for a non-profit healthcare agency where he engaged in program development at a start-up site. Management of a contract with the State of California for resources centers.

Fritz's management consulting and coaching is directed at working with individual executives and management teams to identify and implement creative and practical solutions that answer their needs and further their goals. His cross cultural experience inludes clients located in the San Francisco bay area, in Asia and Europe.

Fritz earned a bachelor?s degree in business administration from Bowling Green State University in Ohio, a master?s degree in Transpersonal Counseling Psychology from John F. Kennedy University in Orinda, California, and a Doctorate in Psychology from Pacifica Graduate Institute in Carpinteria, California. He is a CASRA Certified Trainer for their PRP Certificate Program. He has published numerous articles featured on various web sites and has Expert Author status. He has been studying and utilizing the Enneagram for over twenty years. Fritz presented ?The Enneagram as a Team Building Tool,? to an international conference at Stanford. He is a member of the Strategic Management Society and a commissioner of the City of Walnut Creek Arts Commission.