We need to be understood by at least one other person, we need to be able to develop freely in our lifetime and know that we are OK. Shame tells us we are not OK.
Shame plants it's foot in our lives in the very first year of our existance. Before we are even aware, unitentionally by our parents, we are abandoned. How you ask? We cry in our cradle wanting to be comforted and instead of our familiar comforter, our parent, in comes another because Mum is busy. Maybe it's Aunt Martha or a next door neighbour, what did we do to deserve this imposter.
Feelings of unworthiness, disgust, inferiority, ugliness, stupidity, poverty and difference all stem from SHAME. We are tarnished from the image our creator proposed for us.
Shame existed before the guilt.
A condescending glance from a parent, an awkward appearance in the mirror, a cruel remark from children, feelings and actions condemned by the preacher, a touch-a touch that does not feel right.
SHAME comes from anywhere and everywhere and anyone. These memories lay dormant within, only to be reignited the next time a similar experience is repeated or felt. These memories continue to build power as we grow and mature creating our inner blueprint of our perceptions of peoples reactions to us and life. This pain does not go away. It maybe suppressed by many outer substances but it always raises its ugly head in some form of behaviour. Expressions of SHAME are prejudice, fear, control, anger and imperfection. We allow this nasty SHAME to take what's rightfully ours, success.
When we see ugliness, fat, smallness, disfigurement, failure, sin, uncleanness, laziness, poverty, public affection, poor dress sense, imperfect teeth, social cast, race and creed, age, we see from the eyes of our SHAME. Otherwise we wouldn't even notice these things in an other person.
We are cruel to ourselves, we attack ourselves. "I look too ugly, I look too fat, I'm too small, I'm disfigured, I am a sinner and am unclean, I'm lazy, I have no money, I can't show affection to those I love in public, I dress terribly, my teeth are crappy, I'm not rich and famous, I'm black, I'm too old". Where does all this come from? The shame that has binded us before we were aware of its implications from anywhere and everywhere and anyone.
Thoughtless remarks from our parents and others:
"You will never amount to anything."
"You are stupid."
"Are you a boy or a girl?"
"Why aren't you playing sports?"
"It was a mistake to have you. I should have had an abortion."
"You were an accident but we still love you."
"If you loved me you would not have behaved like that."
"People who do these things are going to hell."
"Children should be seen and not heard."
"God punishes disobedient children."
"Your so naive this world is going to eat you up."
"No this could only happen to you, only you could do this."
"Your a loser."
"We know your smarter than that, your only letting yourself down."
"You'll end up in jail."
"Your a homosexual."
"No-one likes a smart ass."
I'm sure you who are reading this could add a few more to the list
We were created to be free, not perfect but special.
We need to love ourselves.
We need to respect ourselves.
We need dignity to reach for the stars.
SHAME SAYS: "I came upon you - when you were young. When you were very young":
Before you understood, before you could speak, before you realised I was there,
I came upon you."
I REPLY: "I do not have to listen. Today I am beginning to see my beauty. I love my difference, I'm discovering my power, I do not have to live in yesterday. I can change, I can dream, I can create a positive life, a positive love, a positive world for myself and my generation after me."
WE NOW KNOW WHERE SHAME CAME FROM, SHAME CAME FROM WITHIN ME. WE CREATED IT. WE GIVE IT POWER. WE KEEP IT ALIVE.
Only when we begin to confront the shadows and face the pain, reveal the hurt -
WILL WE BE HEALED
Oh SHAME, I know you.
You are part of me.
By loving you I am free.
We are made with dignity that can never be taken away. We were given a "greatness" that exists within.
May the remembrance of this gift heal me.
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