If more men were aware of market value in the world of dating there would be less men investing too much and getting too little in return. More men would cut their loses and move on when a woman doesn't reciprocate interest after a certain amount of effort is invested in her. Here are some examples illustrating actual market value: - chatting on the phone for 15 - 30 min with a woman whose number you got, and then setting up a date. Do this in lieu of talking hours and hours before trying to set up a date - no expensive dates. Meet over drinks instead - if you call her and she's not there, leave only one message (not 5 or 10) - kissing by the end of the first date is definitely acceptable. If she likes you this will be a non-issue - sleeping together by the third date is definitely acceptable as well (no later than the forth), assuming the man is taking real initiative to make it happen. And if she is a) attracted, b) has a healthy sex drive, and c) doesn't play rules games, then sex by the third or forth date is perfectly reasonable. You don't even have to tell her about this time frame. It should just naturally happen if a, b, and c are true
The above are just a few examples. It is unfortunate, but there are many men who will pay much, much more either as time spent on the phone, or on the dates, in terms of money and effort, simply because they don't know better. The way I learned the actual market values was by getting out there, meeting and dating lots of women, gaining experience, figuring out what was a reasonable effort versus return, and when it was time to move on and cut my losses. Talking to successful ladies men also helped lots. In doing so I gained a sense of the "street" price, or the actual price, sometimes very different from the advertised (or socially accepted) price. For example, I've been with women who made their boyfriends wait months and months before getting intimate, but who only made me wait a few hours. Assuming you know what you are doing, know how to attract and display personality, the above "prices" are generally very attainable. This part is important; you have to be able to offer real value to her life. If you cannot do this then you cannot reasonably hope to ask for anything of her. So if you don't have this part down, then you have to cultivate your personality first. By adding value to her life the price to keep you in her life can then be established. It also helps if she subtly knows you are attractive to other females and aren't willing to waste too much time on her if there are other women out there, who have just as much going for them as her (if not more), but who won't play games. Market value comes down to this very basic principle: It means don't put in X amount of effort to get something when you can get it somewhere else for significantly less. For example, say a woman tells me she doesn't sleep with a guy until the three-month mark. Well that just tells me she is raising her shares/market value too high, since I know it should take me much less time than that. She's going to go out of business unless she lowers that price, unless of course she meets someone clueless enough to buy. But then she has to hope that person has just as much value to offer as me. When it comes to the right time to have sex everyone has an opinion, and some of the strongest opinions come from women. The most popular counter-argument to the time frame I mentioned, is that quality women are justified in making the man wait a long time. This is totally and utterly false! A confident (quality) woman with high self-esteem will tend to be above petty restrictions and will go with the flow, and sleep with a man she is attracted to, sooner rather than later. In contrast (and in my experience), it is the women who insist on waiting and making the man jump through hoops; that have the biggest self-esteem and confidence issues. Moreover, many times these same women are mediocre lovers anyway, simply because they are too preoccupied with manipulating and controlling others, rather than enjoying what is in front of them. Furthermore, the she-wants-a-relationship clause is another popular justification for making men go through hoops. Don't fall for that one. Whether or not you want a relationship or something shorter term, what I said still applies. Market value is not about treating people as commodities. It's about realizing that there are many, many people out there who are potentially a good match, and who have just as much going for them as you, and who aren't going to play games. So if you're the kind of person that plays games, then naturally it makes sense to be with those people instead. Market value helps keep people honest, and promotes a sense of fair play; the same way competitors in the market place help keep each other honest and help keep unscrupulous behavior at a minimum. Copyright 2005 Vittorio Norman |
