Falling in love is so much fun. It just feels so good.

If only the high lasted the entire relationship. The high naturally subsides. In long term relationships this will usually lead to disillusionment.

Hitting the wall

Just about every couple I see in my office or on the phone have hit the wall of disillusionment. It often gets expressed in these words:

"Who are you and what have you done with the person I fell in love with?"

If you do not get anything else from this article, get this - the is a normal process and event in long term relationships.

What to do

The most important thing is not that this disillusionment happens, but how you handle it. Here are some important strategies for how to respond to hitting the wall of disillusionment.

1. Realize, get it, that this is normal. When you do this, you can take away the panic and power.

2. Think back to what first attracted you to this person in the beginning of the relationship. This goes under the heading of "when you are up to your ass in alligators it's hard to remember that your original intention was to drain the swamp."

You need to shift your focus here by getting reacquainted with the positives of this person.

3. Talk about it. What we don't talk about, we act out. While it may be difficult, have the conversation. You can start by saying "I'm really worried by how far apart we are. Can we talk about this?"

If you cannot talk this out on your own, it's time to find a good relationship coach or counselor.

Remember, hitting the disillusionment wall is normal. What counts is what you do about it.

Jeff Herring

Jeff is a marriage and family therapist, singles and relationship coach, mentor coach, speaker, syndicated relationship columnist and author.

Jeff has a full time private practice in Tallahassee in which he specializes in couples, teen and parent counseling. He also is a relationship coach specializing in working with couples and singles. Some of his professional activities include:

==> Internationally syndicated relationship columnist through Knight-Ridder/Tribune Media Services, with a weekly readership of over 10 million worldwide

==> Sought after speaker for organizations, associations, churches, and corporations

==>Twice weekly appearances on The Steve and Sara Show on Magic 107.1

==> Author of "Keep the Changes: 52 Tools for Successful Living" a collection of his best columns, as well as several e-books including "How to Create a Passionate and Loving Relationship.........Forever," "How to Beat the BOZOs: Dealing with difficult people without becoming one," and "Tame Your Teen: THE survival guide for parenting your teenager.

==> Founder and CEO of TheArticleGuy.com

==> Founder and CEO of SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

==> Founder and CEO of ParentingYourTeeanger.com

==> Founder and CEO of ToolsforSuccessfulLiving.com

==> President of BuildingYourIdealPractice.com

==> President of ConsciousDatingTallahassee.com