Q: My wife has developed a close friendship with a man at her office. They have lunch together and work on many projects together. She does not want me to meet this person, and thinks it is OK to keep details of the relationship from me. She says there is no threat because he is gay and has a long time partner. Is this something dangerous or am I over-reacting?

A: You are not over-reacting.

It does not matter whether her friend is gay or straight, with someone or not. An emotional affair can have nothing to do with sex or sexual preference.

An emotional affair is about emotional connection and emotional needs. Sex can intensify these feelings, but these feelings can also stand alone.

In many ways an emotional affair can be more dangerous than a full blown sexual affair.

Here are the signs I think you need to be concerned about:

She has a close personal relationship with someone of the opposite sex.

It appears from your question that your feelings in this situation do not matter or count for your wife.

They spend a great deal of time alone together.

They spend alone time together outside of the office.

She does not want you to meet this person.

She wants to keep the details away from you.

If it looks, walks, talks and feels like an emotional affair, then it is an emotional affair

I urge you to get to a marriage coach or counselor that has expertise in emotional affairs as soon as possible. Your marriage depends on it.

Jeff Herring

Jeff is a marriage and family therapist, singles and relationship coach, mentor coach, speaker, syndicated relationship columnist and author.

Jeff has a full time private practice in Tallahassee in which he specializes in couples, teen and parent counseling. He also is a relationship coach specializing in working with couples and singles. Some of his professional activities include:

==> Internationally syndicated relationship columnist through Knight-Ridder/Tribune Media Services, with a weekly readership of over 10 million worldwide

==> Sought after speaker for organizations, associations, churches, and corporations

==>Twice weekly appearances on The Steve and Sara Show on Magic 107.1

==> Author of "Keep the Changes: 52 Tools for Successful Living" a collection of his best columns, as well as several e-books including "How to Create a Passionate and Loving Relationship.........Forever," "How to Beat the BOZOs: Dealing with difficult people without becoming one," and "Tame Your Teen: THE survival guide for parenting your teenager.

==> Founder and CEO of TheArticleGuy.com

==> Founder and CEO of SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

==> Founder and CEO of ParentingYourTeeanger.com

==> Founder and CEO of ToolsforSuccessfulLiving.com

==> President of BuildingYourIdealPractice.com

==> President of ConsciousDatingTallahassee.com