Its important for great writers (and hack writers like me) to know what is going on in the world. To do that I sometimes check the popularity of keywords on the Internet. The first thing you learn when you are looking at the popularity of keywords is this: Internet users are in two major groups, teenagers and sex-fiend morons. Some experts say that these are not subgroups but one group, teenage-sex-fiend morons. I disagree with that. How would I separate my grandkids from the sex-fiend morons? Kids love music. I saw a kid the other day lying on the grass at our town park. He was sound asleep but his radio was blurting out what kids in our town call music. He had a little sign around his neck. It was hanging from a gold chain and was beautifully engraved in mahogany. The sign said, I Love Lindsay Lohan.? The son was out but at this time of the year the ground is pretty cold. There was a large slab of cardboard by the swimming pool. I dragged it to where he was snoozing, and with a little shifting and grunting, I got him on the cardboard. To my surprise he said, Thanks Mister!? Then he went back to sleep. I decided that I would check on this Lindsay Lohan. After all, she was near the top of the keyword list. She is even above Pamela Anderson, a perpetual keyword list-hog. At this point I would like to digress and write about Pamela. However, a writer must take control of himself, so Ill resist that urge. I had never heard of Lindsay Lohan. She probably passed right by me as I snoozed in front of the television set. I decided to do what I always do when I need extremely important knowledge. I placed the name in the search box provided by my friend Mr. Google. Up popped some sites! I went to the Official Site. I wanted first-hand information. The official site is: http://www.llrocks.com. There was a lovely shot of Lindsay Lohan. Her blue eyes and auburn hair would put any teenage boy into a twigajam (if not that, her cleavage). A twigajam is what teenage boys get into when they are very excited. You can add "twigajam" to your dictionary too. At the official site I learned that Lindsay Lohan was not a goddess that popped out of a cherry blossom. She was born like everybody else. In fact she was born in New York City to showbiz parents just in time to get on the Dave Letterman Show. Her mother was a Radio City Music Hall Rockette. Her father is what you call a financier. She has siblings too, so she is definably human. Like many of our divas, she was a model, a cute little redhead. She acted too, a childhood prodigy. Thats about what it says at her official site. I learned at this point in her biography that I must have seen her many times on television. She starred in Jell-O ads with Bill Crosby, Incorporated. Thats when she hit the big time. She played GARBAGE? on the Dave Letterman Show. (The site hints that is why within weeks, Letterman left NBC for CBS. Maybe Lindsays dad had some financial interest in NBC. You never know!) Anyway, Lindsay was so good at playing D-train garbage that she soon had many acting roles. In September, 2002, Lindsay fulfilled her dream to be a singer. Thats what she does now. And we have to give David Letterman some credit! copyrightJohn T. Jones, Ph.D. 2005 |
